What happened? A Family account of James’ last day

Over the weekend my coworker and I had finished working a long day and had gotten back our hotel, and were about to call it a night.  As we had been working for several weeks already down in Texas, close to a 70 hour work week, without a day off for almost 2 weeks.  We were exhausted.  That is just how it goes in the oilfield.

Right as I was about to jump in the shower and wash the dirt and dust that had been blowing on us all day, I heard a familiar noise.  My phones ringtone. Out of the blue my younger brother James was calling me.  Despite being exhausted I picked up the phone immediately.  A friendly voice greeted me back as James was extremely excited and had called to tell me of a new virtual reality game that he was playing with some of his friends.  I tried to share in his enthusiasm and picture the imagery he was trying to convey.  He was completely blown away by this newfound technology which had completely immersed him into a fantasy world that he could see and almost touch and feel. I inferred that maybe he was wanting me to go in on it with him, even though he never out-rightly said it.  I told him I would have to look at it when I got back, and I let him get back to his virtual reality.  It was an interesting conversation to say the least, as my brother barely ever called me or texted me.  In fact, I could maybe count a handful of times he had contacted me over the last 8 years.  My brother and I weren’t on bad terms, he had just moved on into his group of friends and own lifestyle.  You could say the conversation was extremely bittersweet as something seemed off, however I had no idea what was coming.

That following Monday I got up early, did my morning routine with my coworker and we were on our way to the job-site.  I will never forget that day. It started like any other, it was a Monday so it was right back to work. We were commuting from Odessa, Texas to almost 2 hours away in the desert to a place called Menetone, Texas on one of the most dangerous highways in Texas, highway 285.  I had virtually no phone reception out there, so I would turn my phone off as to not incur data roaming charges. When we had finished out for the day, we began the almost 3 hour drive back; oilfield traffic was very heavy at that time causing delays. As soon as I got back within the city limits of Odessa, I turned my phone off of Airplane mode.   Moments later I would hear the familiar ‘ding ding ding’, as my phone vibrated from all the notifications I had missed from the whole day.  Glancing at my phone briefly, I noticed a group text from my dad to my brother Matthew and I telling us not to call our younger brother James.  My heart began to race a little bit.  So as I got close to our hotel I gave my dad a ring to see what was going on.

From there the entire tone changed, as my dad answered with a very concerned tone.  “Your brother James, left a note on his computer”, my Dad said.   My dad was hesitant and a little choked up but I knew what he was about to say next.

James had woke up that morning and went to work.  He came home from lunch as usual and showered, got dressed and left the house rather abruptly.  Evidently he was still upset because the previous Friday he had lost his tax return money, which was a considerable amount, not to mention his wallet and all the contents of it; including his ID, credit cards and other personal information.  He had apparently left in a hurry and didn’t say a word to anyone, he had a very empty and sullen look on his face as my Dad described it.  My dad was doing his daily chores around the house and happened to come into my brother’s room to leave something in there.  James bed had been made, very neatly, which was out of character as he never really made it.  That is when my Dad noticed a note on my brother’s desk.  He looked up to my brother’s computer monitor with a word document opened up.

James had left a suicide note, very detailed and well written, explaining to us how he was sorry for how he had been towards his family.  The letter itself was terrifying and haunting, it shocked us being so unexpected.  My dad had informed the sheriffs department, who were already searching for him and we had a few friends out looking for him.  My brother Matthew drove an hour from his home in Stillwater to come to come to Ponca City to look for James.  Meanwhile I was stuck 8 hours away, feeling very powerless.  The next few hours were excruciating as it was a waiting game,  waiting and hoping that someone would find James so he wouldn’t follow through with his actions, and do the unthinkable.

I got off of the phone with my parents, they told me they would call me if they heard anything.   Jeremy my roommate had left the hotel room, and was out in town.  Finally, after a couple of hours, my phone rang.  I reluctantly picked up the phone to hear the sullenness and sadness of my Dad’s voice along with my mom sobbing in the background.  James had taken his life.

The conversation was short, as I hung up to process what had just happened.  Grief-stricken I contacted Jeremy, my work associate, and then next my supervisor to let him know what had happened and that I had to leave that night.  I couldn’t hold back, the tears came streaming out of my face trickling down the sides of my face.  I was in anguish.  I can’t remember crying so much.  The next several hours consisted of me packing my things, and being dropped off by Jeremy at the airport there in Odessa.

I flew into the airport there in Wichita, Kansas where my twin brother Matthew graciously came and picked me up.  From there we drove back to Oklahoma where we met with our parents Shelby and Kim.  The whole week we were left with the burden of gathering all James personal affects, and making funeral arrangements.  I can remember the first time my Dad, Mom, Older brother Glen saw James in his casket.  Considering the nature of the James’s self inflicted injury, the funeral home had done a miracle with the embalming of his body.  We all cried, I didn’t want to leave his casket as I stared down at the harrowing site of my younger brother’s lifeless body.

As the day of the funeral approached Matthew and I decided to honor James and give him a ‘warriors memorial.’  We got in our dress blues and stood by guarding his casket the entire duration of the memorial service. We had two Pastor’s Jerry and Jim, childhood friends of my Dad, lead the service.  James had brought in quite a crowd of people, all of which came to mourn with us in our tremendous loss.  Our family had written a response to James’s ‘death note’ given at the memorial service to commemorate our thoughts on him.

After the memorial service was over, we had decided before hand to have a private burial with only family and a few select friends.  Considering the nature of it all, we didn’t want a large crowd as we were still grieving and trying to process everything.  The final viewing of his body was perhaps the hardest, as it would be the last time ever that we would be able to gaze upon our dearly beloved James before he was buried.  My parents had requested that he be dressed in one of his finest suits.  We all said our final goodbyes.

The weeks and months following would be increasingly difficult and hard.  Tracking down all of his possessions, affects and debt proved to be a chore.   I could see it weighing tremendously on my parents especially my mother. One thing we resolved over the course of this tragedy, is that we would prevail and make James’s dying wish a reality.  That wish was for us to continue to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ, which is the reason and purpose for this website.

This story begins at the end.  As one’s life came to a tragic end, it brought forward and planted a seed.  Even at the end of his life James Stephen Cooper, beloved son, brother, and friend still had value and purpose.  His death was mourned even after the burial.  Days, weeks, even months went by and he was not forgotten.  For myself, my family and a few close friends regularly go visit James’ grave site.  As morbid as it may seem, it is a reminder to us that James’ was very much a causality of a very real spiritual battle.  Some may write it off as he was a victim of mental illnesses.  Why else would someone come so far with much to live for only to end their own life?

One of the very first things a person does when losing a loved one, is to put themselves on a guilt trip.   They begin to ponder ” what more could I have done”, “what did I do wrong as a parent? a brother? a friend?”  The mind becomes flooded with all these strong emotions as one does what one can to process the grief.  Realizing of course that all these questions are senseless. For what can someone really do in these situations?