SPRING FORWARD: COMFORT of a Warmer Kind….

It’s nearly time again to set our time pieces (clocks, watches, etc.) forward again as Daylight Savings time kicks in for the upcoming summer.  Winter, thankfully, is quickly taking its frigid and frosty retreat from our part of the world as the promise of spring brings with it warmer days although still cold nights.  The lengthening days will eventually win out over night time and with that the sweltering hot days of summer.  Summer means, for most of us,  increased outdoor activities, a busy time for yard work, outdoor (or indoor) projects, vacations to distant locations, a break from school, family reunions and the like, although in 2020 many such gatherings and goings had been forsaken in the wake of the ongoing Covid pandemic.  Still, life goes on.  The world just doesn’t stop, and change is a constant in this world.  Especially, if you are in the throes of grief, change may be a welcome ally.

Additionally, through change and time, Grief becomes internalized.  It’s still there marking time below the surface, locked away in our heart and remembered in our moments of quietness when the world has lessened its demands on us.  When Memory chooses a time, Grief comes pouring forth from its hidden chamber bringing along with it hot tears and convulsing cries.  Most characteristically, as time moves on, Grief becomes a quiet companion of despair barely perceptible below our waking conscious life.  As we engage life fully each day, Grief lessens its hold on us.  When we are alone or quietly engaging in our multifaceted lifestyles, Memory remembers all of those tears and allows Grief to peak out and gain our attention.  Mostly, when certain Days come upon us (Birthdays, Anniversaries, Holidays, other  days of Remembrances and, yes, the day of Demise), Memory springs forth a flood of longings for our lost loved one and, bringing with it, Grief in the form of a fallen countenance, a heavy heart or both at once.  Any way we live, Grief must be borne as we move forward with life after losing one so loved and dear to us.  Memory will cling to this great loss and Grief will constantly remind us of lost love.  There really is no escape from these two companions.  What will sustain us through all the seasons of Grief?  How can we ameliorate Memory’s devastating remembrances?

Comfort comes to mind as the dark days of despair close in upon us.  Sweet Comfort and her companions—Faith, Hope, Charity.  Years ago, I remember a brief conversation that took place while I was in line at the Post Office.  A middle-aged woman recounted to me the grief she still experienced over the accidental death of her daughter years ago, who was a small child then.  I wondered at this sustaining grief and how much it weighed on the woman’s heart.  Similarly, I’ve known other women who sustained similar losses of their children, children who died as children or in the prime years of adulthood.  Some of these women bore their grief well, but some were so greatly afflicted by their grief, both physically and mentally.  Sadly, I was unable to comfort them in their grief, mainly because I had never been through such a time.  Back in 2020, a man came into my place of employment.  He looked bewildered or lost, so I went up to him and offered to help him.  (I work in retail, so this is not an unusual request.)  However, the conversation revealed that the man had become very recently widowed and had lost the love of his life after many years of marriage.  Knowing I had gone through such a heavy loss and having the courage to speak to the man’s grief, I spoke with him at length about the loss of my youngest son and how, after two years then, I was able to achieve a level relief from the raw grief of that first year.  We exchanged notes on what helped and what didn’t.  I hope that man received some comfort from this brief encounter.  This is what most of us need at such a time.  It is hope that we can endure such hardship of soul, much like the assurance we receive from our doctor that we will recover from terrible physical wounds or even a life-threatening disease.   

Sadly, I couldn’t comfort the women of my earlier acquaintance with their grief due to my lack of experience with such devastating loss; however, it is my hope that through my postings and those on this website, that your burden of grief can be borne with as you move on in this life.  Please read my previous postings One Year Ago Today and THE AFTERMATH:  A Mother’s Passage Through Grief if you have not already read these.

As one ponders this trinity of compassion (faith, hope, charity), thoughts of eternity and life beyond this earthly abode bring about a confusing flood of questions, doubts, hope, joy, and the like.  It is my hope in future postings to shed more light upon these and more as God grants me the grace to write down these thoughts to you, dear reader.  May the God of all comfort grant you His peace and grace.