Reaching Out to Others

My days are often filled with thoughts of Stephen.  As I think about him, I remember the days not too many years ago when he was a small boy, bursting into the house with fish he caught from the small lake down the hill from our house.  His face was flushed a bright red from the summer heat, but his smile was bigger than life as he shared the excitement of a large mouthed bass he just caught.  Those were simple times where just the thought of going fishing would bring him so much joy and anticipation.  He would finish his schoolwork hurriedly so that he could spend his afternoon fishing or exploring the woods down in the valley behind our home.  Even as he grew into adulthood, he loved to fish and then share his catch with his friends and family by cooking it up for a big fish fry.  He loved to share what he had with others.  That was the part of him that he brought with him from his childhood.

I will never forget the sound of his laughter as I can hear it in my mind even now as I write.  His laugh was one that was contagious, just as was his smile.  He loved to laugh and he loved to make others laugh.  There was an energy in his laughter that would resonate within you and make you a part of his excitement.  He had a gift of waking up the youthfulness inside you to make you want to be with him and be around him.  Those memories bring me so much joy as I think about those times.  Because of memories such as these, he lives on in my heart and brings me smiles and happiness from being blessed by his all too short life.

These are the thoughts and memories of Stephen that help to push away the sadness that comes from missing him.  These moments tucked away in my heart and mind are what I dwell upon when I think about him.  There is still hurt inside me, but that hurt is not as sharp now so it does not cut me as deeply and it passes easier and quicker as I bring to mind my own special memories of him, memories of his childhood and of his youthful exhuberance.   

Its important for us to remember and write down these special memories as they come rushing to our mind so that we can keep them and read them over and over as we heal from the loss of our loved ones and commit them to the treasure chest of their memory in our hearts of how special they were to us.  

Yesterday I lost a cousin that was old enough to be more of an aunt to me.  As I think back across the pages of time to when I was a child and I would play with her son, my second cousin, who was more like a brother to me as we were so close in age, I remembered her smile and her laugh.  I remembered the snacks she would make for my cousin and I as we played.  If I was not at home playing with my second cousin, I would be at his house.  His mother would look after us and take care of us with so much love and compassion.  This day, I am reaching back to the recesses of my own memory to recall memories of her and place them in my own memory treasure chest and also to share with my second cousin to remind him of those cherished times and experiences to help soften the ache and pain of his own grief he feels at this moment.  

As we pick up the pieces of our own broken hearts and move on with life, we learn how to help share the grief that others face.  Sometimes it can be just a simple touch, or hug or a smile that can help ease the hurt and pain that others feel when they come face to face with their own moments of grief.  Often we worry about the right thing to say or do as we reach out to others hurting from the loss of a loved one.  But sharing that hurt doesn’t always mean we have to say something poignant or profound, but often its the silence of a gentle touch or hug that is all that is needed.  Just being there in those moments of extreme vulnerability is what is needed most as we are reaching out to others with our hearts.  

I assure you that in these past few months since Stephen passed, I have found so much comfort from others reaching out if not to say anything other than “I have been thinking of you”.  Those smiles and gentle touches and even cards of sympathy are worth more than gold.  Its the relationships we have with others that can bring us strength and reassurance and help us to have the strength to look back to the happy times with our loved ones and build our treasure chest of memories of them to heal the grief and turn that grief into caring and sharing with someone else in need.